Great Circle

Many years ago - when I was still a church minister - I had a picture of a donkey on the back of my office door. Underneath it, I had written, “So. Are you leading, riding or carrying the donkey today?”

It was a personal reference to Aesop’s fable about the old man, the boy and donkey. Follow the  link if you’re not familar with it.

I put it there because I was painfully (and daily!) aware that 300 different people had exactly 300 different expectations of me.

The “donkey” for me was the things I was trying to achieve in my ministry. There was my dreams, my hopes, my goals, my values… and then there was those of the “crowd”. Now in a position like a pastor’s, you’d think you’re basically there to do what everyone “needs” you to do in the moment. Well, there’s a place for that – the crisis. But most of the time, most of the people I served weren’t in crisis (even if they thought they were!).

And I began to go nuts trying to please all of the people all of the time. And the stuff I did well, the stuff that bore fruit in people’s lives and in mine, the stuff I was made to do … it all fell by the wayside.

Until one day I reread this fable again and Aesop spoke to me across the centuries. I got clear on what I was meant to do, what my focus was and what my values were. And to the best of my ability, I followed them.

Eventually that lead to me leaving professional ministry and launching my own life coaching practise – where I’ve been far more fruitful. But even before that, I was feeling better defined and more present for the real crises and needs that my talents could serve.

So. What’s your donkey? What are people telling you to do with it?

What do you WANT to do with it?

So do it.

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Mid-August, it was my pleasure (along with the two managers of Eastwork Employment and Training pictured here with me) to accept an award for outstanding program design and delivery from the Victorian Minister for Education, Jacinta Allan.

The Succeeding at Work pre-accredited program was one I designed for Eastwork Employment a year ago to support jobseekers with disabilities. I’ve run it several times now and currently a good friend of mine John Wall has taken it over while I move on to other projects. Quite a number of former students have both gone on to further education and secured suitable employment.

From the ACFE site:

The ten day Succeeding at Work program was developed in line with the ACFE Board’s A-Frame quality framework. The delivery of the program has also been supported by the survey of 500 people with disabilities. This has allowed Eastwork staff to identify their client’s skill and include them in the design of the program. These skills include communication, team work, problem solving, planning and self management and technology familiarity.

A key feature of the program is its multiple teaching delivery methods, a deliberate strategy to ensure all learning styles are catered for. Art activities, games, video, interactive discussion, simulations and self-directed learning are all included as part of the program. Eastwork’s teachers are also mindful to adapt their program to cater for specific needs and interests of their CALD clients.

There’s more about it at the official Adult, Community and Further Education website.

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Every two weeks or so, I have a phone conversation with a good friend of mine Julie. She’s also a coach. We did our training together and have kept in close contact ever since. This close contact we share has proved SO valuable to us both as we share our discoveries, collaborate on ideas, hold each other’s butt to the fire (ie., hold each other accountable to get stuff done) and generally sharpen the professional skills we are developing (or point to resources the other might enjoy).

When you’re a solo business owner, it’s so important to have relationships like this with outcomes like these. And there are other roles where keeping close to others of your ‘species’ can prove invaluable.

The single parent. The Dad. The buck-stops-here Boss. The Church minister. The Youth Worker. The Creative type. For all of you, it’s very very easy to become isolated, unchallenged, unsupported, stale. If you’re feeling like that, I encourage you: go looking! Refresh those old contacts; join a group; have a beer or a lunch with someone else from your species.

Twice this year, I’ve run 8-week Dad groups in my local community, each with a different group of men. Both times, one man in each group said something to this effect: “I thought these things just happened in my family. I thought there was something wrong with me, with us. Now I now we’re normal and it happens everywhere. I’m a lot more relaxed at home and less stressed about how I’m doing as a Dad.”

Seek others of your species. We all need each other…

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