Setting Limits
Your brother lost the last thing you loaned him. Now he’s on the phone asking to borrow your car for a few days.
A lady you know wants to come over to talk. You know from past experience that she will not be interested in hearing about your recent experiences but will spend literally hours telling you about hers. She has some photos from her recent trip to show you.
At the shops, you’ve just bumped into that guy who never takes your advice but always tells you his problems. For months, every time to talk to him, he’s been telling you about exactly the same situation that you believe is easily solved if he would just listen to your suggestions. He’s just said “We should have lunch this week” and the scary thing is, you actually do have the time to do it.
Your boss has asked you to come in on the weekend and help him catch up on some work. It means missing your favourite social activity.
What would you do? WOuld you feel comfortable saying NO and even explaining why not? Would you say NO but make up a (bogus) excuse to cover it (”I have to take my dog to the airport!”)? Would you say “NO I don’t think so” but feel ashamed and “bad”.
Or would you cave and let them have their way?
Why do you think so many of us would find it extremely difficult to say no to people when they make these kinds of requests? Why do you reckon we refrain from telling people that something they are doing is irritating or even hurtful to us?
I’m interested in your thoughts…
