Great Circle

Sitting with a coaching client yesterday, we got talking about one of the unhappy truths of midlife: the experience of becoming old enough to not strive anymore, of losing your passion (like your car keys), of giving up the Dream, of settling for the status quo (no not that crappy old band!). 

Not everyone experiences this, but sadly it happens to enough people to be called common.

One of my friends described it thus: when we were young we threw ourselves into everything. It was like driving the car full speed, taking the corners wide, running red lights. At that age everything is thrilling: relationships, career, sports, setting up home, making the dream happen. But driving like that, when you hit the brick wall, when the relationship comes undone or there is a career setback (etc) then …

…CRASH!

You really get knocked about, sometimes even thrown through the window of the car!

Usually you pick yourself up and find a way to try something else. And yet while you can look & act functional, something’s been taken away: a little bit of trust in others, a little bit of your shine, a little piece of hope, a slice of self belief, a bit of your faith, a piece of courage, generosity, openness, adventurousness.

A few of these crashes and you drive differently…

Now at 35, 40, 45, 50 years old – we drive the car of life more sedately, more carefully. We travel the same well worn roads day in, day out. We barely notice the road anymore, responding unconsciously to well-known traffic signals and conditions.  We never venture intentionally onto unknown territory and avoid it when we can.

As young people we looked over at those in mid-life who were rusting out and said “That will never be me!”. The thought we avoid having now is “Oh, crap, I’m one of them.”

We have settled for “numb”.

It might seem like I am criticizing people experiencing this. I’m not. It’s not failure or weakness to discover this is the truth of your circumstance.

But it is sad. 

It’s also an opportunity to truly begin living again.

Because it’s at this stage of life that we are (more than ever) capable of taking giant leaps toward our dreams and making them reality, of bonding deeply with other human beings, of repairing the damage done childhood & adolescence, of making profound contribution to the planet.