Recovering from Mid-life Numbness

  • Posted by Pete
  • February 9, 2007

numb

We were talking in the last post about this experience for 35-55 year olds of feeling numb, succumbing to the status quo, losing their edge, giving up on trying for an ideal life or world. I joked in the comments about future sociologists dubbing this experience Midlife Disaffected Syndrome - a better phrase (I thought I knew what disaffected meant, but a quick check in the dictionary showed me I didn’t!) might be Midlife What’s-For-Dinner Syndrome. I dunno; you got a better one?

To overcome this numbness, I see people in midlife make some questionable decisions. Some justify it. Some grow to like it.

Some return to the risk- and thrill-taking of youth as if the answers lie there:

“Well, at least I’m feeling something now!” 

      “And your kids now think you’re an idiot. Congratulations…”

[Hm. Was that a little harsh?]

Anyway, I reckon the cure to the numbness is fivefold - and I don’t mean to be simplistic here, I’m just making a call on what I see at this moment:

  1. remind yourself of what you once wanted life to be 
  2. re-enage with a sense of true purpose,
  3. revive some of the dreams,
  4. uncover the negative values and even wounds dealt in your childhood and work through them,
  5. seek greater depth in relationships (rather than greater thrills)

Care to comment?

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February 9th, 2007
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Courage: Getting it Over and Done with
The Other Side of Midlife: Midlife Numbness

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Comment Number:
1
Written by:
Karen Wallace
Posted on:
February 9, 2007 at 6:35 pm

I think as well as your #3 revive some of the dreams, is it also about finding new dreams - ones that may have seemed crazy or totally out of reach at 25, but at 40 suddenly seem possible…

Sorry Pete, nothing better comes to mind right now than Midlife What’s for dinner syndrome… that’s kinda catchy ;-)

You know, not being in this time of life yet myself (ha ha) I have never thought about the whole midlife crisis in terms of numbness… but you make a very valid point. Is it the numbness we are medicating against instead of getting out there and finding something worthwhile? Keep going with this Pete - I’m curious where you’re going next.

Comment Number:
2
Written by:
Robert Hruzek
Posted on:
February 10, 2007 at 2:43 am

Y’know, I always laughed at the concept of a mid-life crisis, but then…

At 39, I decided to finish the engineering degree I started 21 years earlier (see #3 above). Then at 40, I went from no glasses straight to trifocals. (Ok, this had nothing to do with a mid-life crisis - it just seemed to be so classically stereotypical!)

On the other hand, over the next 7 years I completed not only that first degree but two others as well (but don’t worry - you don’t have to call me “Doc”).

So I have to agree with Karen when she says not only revive old dreams, but look for new ones! THAT’S what keeps the hum going for me.

Comment Number:
3
Written by:
Pete
Posted on:
February 10, 2007 at 7:49 am

Karen, thanks for those thoughts. You make a great point about finding new dreams. That hadn’t occurred to me.

Some of my work over the last 2 years has been with long-term unemployed and I’ve been constantly amazed at how many people (of all ages) have no dreams, no sense of what they want from life. Part of our “success” has been prodding and poking and inspiring a dream … and when that happens we watch these people come alive.

So your thought warrants a lot of thinking about.

Robert, I’m constantly learning from you. Trifocals?? Had never heard of them before (I must be younger than you!). Glad to hear you’ve lived Karen’s point! Wonder what your next dream is??

Comment Number:
4
Written by:
Rhea
Posted on:
February 13, 2007 at 1:41 pm

I have been restless all of my life. Now in midlife, I can call it a midlife crisis or numbness, but it’s the same ol’ restlessness. I cope with it by having a sense of humor about it. And, as cliched as it sounds, by trying to live in the moment and having some kind of fun every day.

Comment Number:
5
Written by:
Pete
Posted on:
February 13, 2007 at 1:52 pm

Fun can never be cliche. A sense of humor will always beat a sense of anxiety.

Thanks for dropping by, Rhea.