Great Circle

I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (Alright stop that laughing. It’s not a euphemism). I guess I have a lot of epiphanies in the shower; it seems to be a place that’s relaxing enough to have them. (I still hear sniggering, people. Look the word up in the dictionary; I’m trying to be serious here).

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who loves the New. New what? New anything! New innovation, new music, new clothes, new ideas, new movies, new tech, new foods, new discoveries, new books…

This morning I found myself thinking back to a series of books I’d read in the 1980s and really enjoyed. I’ve forgotten the names of the author and the books, but I began thinking “If I could just get a copy of those books and read them again!”

Then the question hit me like a blast of cold water: “When did I begin looking backward instead of forward?” When did I start longing for ‘old’ experiences instead of new ones?

The answer is sometime in the last 2 years. Suddenly I would hear an old song on the radio and think things like:

• Dang! Why did I have to go and lose my Police albums when I moved back to Melbourne?
• Man, I haven’t heard that song since I was 16! Where can I get a copy?
• Hmm, I’ve never actually owned any Roxy Music albums; I should get a copy of Avalon.

Or I’d think of old books I once enjoyed and kick myself for selling them to a 2nd-hand bookstore in 1990. Or (on a more sombre note) I’d remember somone whom I’d wronged in the 1980s - and there were a few - and wish I could find them to say sorry.

It must be mid-life. You approach (or hit) 40 and you start to reassess. The past catches up with you. New things don’t always have the same novelty or hold the same emotional resonance for you as things from your youth.

Ironically, when I want to reconnect with, recover the details of, or purchase “something” from the past, the very first place I go looking is the internet - which (arguably) fits into the NEW category.

• I go to online music stores or LAST-FM for access to classic or obscure songs
• I track down the name and author of an obscure sci-fi book by searching fansites and forums, then put in a request with Bent Books or Booktopia
• I google search for that long-lost friend or wronged-acquaintance, or look through Facebook or Linked-In.

So I reassure myself that I’m not going senile after all!!

• What do you find yourself looking back and longing for?
• Did this begin happening when you hit 40? Earlier? Later?