It was a personal reference to Aesop’s fable about the old man, the boy and donkey. Follow the  link if you’re not familar with it.

I put it there because I was painfully (and daily!) aware that 300 different people had exactly 300 different expectations of me.

The “donkey” for me was the things I was trying to achieve in my ministry. There was my dreams, my hopes, my goals, my values… and then there was those of the “crowd”. Now in a position like a pastor’s, you’d think you’re basically there to do what everyone “needs” you to do in the moment. Well, there’s a place for that – the crisis. But most of the time, most of the people I served weren’t in crisis (even if they thought they were!).

And I began to go nuts trying to please all of the people all of the time. And the stuff I did well, the stuff that bore fruit in people’s lives and in mine, the stuff I was made to do … it all fell by the wayside.

Until one day I reread this fable again and Aesop spoke to me across the centuries. I got clear on what I was meant to do, what my focus was and what my values were. And to the best of my ability, I followed them.

Eventually that lead to me leaving professional ministry and launching my own life coaching practise – where I’ve been far more fruitful. But even before that, I was feeling better defined and more present for the real crises and needs that my talents could serve.

So. What’s your donkey? What are people telling you to do with it?

What do you WANT to do with it?

So do it.

Mid-August, it was my pleasure (along with the two managers of Eastwork Employment and Training pictured here with me) to accept an award for outstanding program design and delivery from the Victorian Minister for Education, Jacinta Allan.

The Succeeding at Work pre-accredited program was one I designed for Eastwork Employment a year ago to support jobseekers with disabilities. I’ve run it several times now and currently a good friend of mine John Wall has taken it over while I move on to other projects. Quite a number of former students have both gone on to further education and secured suitable employment.

From the ACFE site:

The ten day Succeeding at Work program was developed in line with the ACFE Board’s A-Frame quality framework. The delivery of the program has also been supported by the survey of 500 people with disabilities. This has allowed Eastwork staff to identify their client’s skill and include them in the design of the program. These skills include communication, team work, problem solving, planning and self management and technology familiarity.

A key feature of the program is its multiple teaching delivery methods, a deliberate strategy to ensure all learning styles are catered for. Art activities, games, video, interactive discussion, simulations and self-directed learning are all included as part of the program. Eastwork’s teachers are also mindful to adapt their program to cater for specific needs and interests of their CALD clients.

There’s more about it at the official Adult, Community and Further Education website.

When you’re a solo business owner, it’s so important to have relationships like this with outcomes like these. And there are other roles where keeping close to others of your ‘species’ can prove invaluable.

The single parent. The Dad. The buck-stops-here Boss. The Church minister. The Youth Worker. The Creative type. For all of you, it’s very very easy to become isolated, unchallenged, unsupported, stale. If you’re feeling like that, I encourage you: go looking! Refresh those old contacts; join a group; have a beer or a lunch with someone else from your species.

Twice this year, I’ve run 8-week Dad groups in my local community, each with a different group of men. Both times, one man in each group said something to this effect: “I thought these things just happened in my family. I thought there was something wrong with me, with us. Now I now we’re normal and it happens everywhere. I’m a lot more relaxed at home and less stressed about how I’m doing as a Dad.”

Seek others of your species. We all need each other…

I am really enjoying his latest podcast series: Run Your Business like Gordon Ramsey.

Eye-catching title huh? I wasn’t disappointed when I listened to episode one: HSCS-001 – Pt1, Run your business like Gordon Ramsay

I recommend you do the same!

Sometimes I’m aware of it and how it’s affecting me; sometimes I’m in control of it, using it to my advantage; at still other times it seems to run on autopilot affecting my moods and decisions without me intervening.

As we begin each day, we’re talking ourselves into something, whether it’s a mood or a decision. For some it might be either talking themselves into taking a sickday or going to work. For others, ruminating on their back pain unwittingly drags them into a downward spiral of further stress, pain and unhappiness.

And for yet others they spend their day talking themselves into feeling good and behaving in a way that’s actually helpful to them…

“Today I will exceed the expectations of others”

“Today I will take that risk … even if it doesn’t come off, I’ll learn, I’ll grow, I’ll be stronger! Let’s go for it!”

“I’m not lazy, I’ve just been distracted. I’m going to cut off some excess baggage from my life and focus on what’s important”

“I know what I’m doing. I don’t have to get it right. I just have to get it done!”

This is not that shmalzy warm-&-fuzzy hyped-up positive-thinking thinking that many of us distrust and can see right through. This is a naturally occuring process between mind and emotions, between thoughts/actions and the way our body feels and responds. It’s a snowball effect as one of my dear friends – a fitness trainer – calls it.

To use another metaphor, you and I get to set the track that the train of our thoughts will run on for the day.

If I set it on the track of Grace, Self-respect, Adventure, Persistence and Optimism then I can already predict where I’ll be emotionally by the end of the day. I’ll be in a good space. I can’t predict the way the cards will fall, or the people that will willingly or unwittingly get in my way, or what’s going to happen with the Dow today. But if my thoughts are running on that wholesome track, I may well be surprised at how many of the circumstances of my day bend themselves to my advantage … and how others that might otherwise have caused me stress, are like water off that duck’s back …

So. What are you talking yourself into today? What are you talking yourself out of? Try it: set the train of your thoughts running on the Grace/Selfrespect/Empathy/Adventure/Persistence/Optimism track.

And reflect at the end of your day on where that train has lead you…

“Whatever we measure is really our mission“

In other words, you might say that you are committed to being a cheerful parent who makes his/her children feel appreciated and safe in the world. And yet your measurement of how well things are going at your house is all about noise levels (keeping them low) or how high the kids marks are at school compared to your brother’s kids.

Alternatively, you might be a manager or religious leader who quotes your mission statement about “bringing out the full potential in people”. And yet your measurement systems are all about the number of new clients or attenders your staff/congregation brought in this month.

What you are measuring in actual terms will determine the actions you take, the actions you applaud and those you denegrate, the investment of your time and money and emotional energy. You may just be pouring those last three investments into something that doesn’t ultimately make you or others happy/successful…

So. What’s the mission you actually aspire to (rather than the one you default to)? How could you change your measurement systems and indicators to focus the organisation’s attention and efforts toward that mission?

For much of 2004, I was unemployed. There was a few months there when I wondered if I would ever be employable again.

But I had to do something! Those of you with mortgages will understand what I mean by that. Those of you with children for whom you want to provide a certain quality of life will understand what I mean by that. Those of you who believe your life has purpose and enjoy being a contributor to the world around you … will understand what I mean by that.

So how was I going to earn $$ and have something to offer people again?

Here’s 3 of the tactics that enabled me to win that war by the middle of 2005…

1. Ask “What Can I Do?”

Every time I’d think or hear of an option that my back condition said was impossible, I’d ask that question.

“Ok. so I can’t go back to retail because I can’t carry customer’s parcels to their car or operate the registers which are always below my waist-height. So what can I do?”

Eventually I was left with a list of cans and musts:

• I can train people
• I must be able to move and change position/posture constantly
• I must have a high degree of control over my work enviornment
• Hey, I can run training courses because they fit those three criteria and I have qualifications/experience in that!
• I can coach
• I can speak on the telephone
• So I could train live and phone-coach!

Now I finally had a direction to head in, I could create new options based on that focus…

2. The “Will Do” Approach

You’ve heard of the ‘can-do’ attitude. Well, I realised that many of us also have a will-do attitude and it was only strengthened in me by that season of my life.

One week when the 29th job application landed on deaf ears, I told myself “I will send another” … and that one lead to a contact which eventually lead to a contract 12 months later.

Whenever I saw a job (ad) for which I was unqualified but which looked attractive, I told myself “I will go for that!”  One of these lead to 2 months of fulltime work over summer.

When I took on a 3-day-a-week position over 4 months which required two hours of painful commuting on crowded trains on each one of those 140 days (painful because of my back condition), I told myself each morning “I can do this and I will.” And I did.

I tried new things, I extended myself, I discovered more of what I was capable of, I positioned myself for the next break-through…

I don’t say this out of ego (I haven’t even mentioned the place of prayer in getting me through this time!). This attitude is a normal behaviour for anyone refuses to play the victim.

It does move people out of a rut and out of unemployment/underemployment… even out of a career rut.

3. When You Can’t Get a Job, Start a Business.

And this is what I worked toward. It didn’t have to be complex, it didn’t require a 53 page business plan or $200,000 bank loan.

When none of the jobs I was in and out of between July 04 and July 05 suited my needs or restrictions, it became clearer than ever that not only did I have the makings of a damn fine coaching/development service within me, it was actually the best possible option to pursue health-wise.

I chose from that point to offer my services as a contractor, not an employee. I sought clients, not a boss. Income went up, not down.

Through my local chamber of commerce, I’ve met other solo business owners with a similar story. The new mum who now offers her secretarial services to a range of businesses but does the work at home; the former regional sales manager who (when his wife walked out on him, leaving him with 3 teenage sons still in High School) quit sales and started a mortgage brokerage which got him through the tough time and is now booming as his boys move into their 20s and he has more time for business; the plumber with a bad back who refined the services he offers and now specialises in those jobs…

… These 3 principles or tactics have worked for me. They’ve also helped me coach several jobseekers (among my other clients) back into meaningful employment and lifestyle.

So whatever your battle is at the moment, what can you do, what will you do and what can you create?

***

Great Workteams need Great Leaders, Shared Vision and a Great Fit for their members. Speak to Great Circle today and let us help you build a dynamic and collaborative workteam that presents an attractive face to the marketplace.

Whether we’re talking about

• the staff in your small business
• the department you lead,
• or even a network of collaborators you need to build in order to get that project up and running,

we can find a way for you to bring the best out of your team, while we bring out the best in you as their leader.

I help managers manage themselves so they can manage their “cats” better.

Warning: very mild course language does rear its ugly head in the title of the article. [It's clean after that]…