For much of 2004, I was unemployed. There was a few months there when I wondered if I would ever be employable again.

But I had to do something! Those of you with mortgages will understand what I mean by that. Those of you with children for whom you want to provide a certain quality of life will understand what I mean by that. Those of you who believe your life has purpose and enjoy being a contributor to the world around you … will understand what I mean by that.

So how was I going to earn $$ and have something to offer people again?

Here’s 3 of the tactics that enabled me to win that war by the middle of 2005…

1. Ask “What Can I Do?”

Every time I’d think or hear of an option that my back condition said was impossible, I’d ask that question.

“Ok. so I can’t go back to retail because I can’t carry customer’s parcels to their car or operate the registers which are always below my waist-height. So what can I do?”

Eventually I was left with a list of cans and musts:

• I can train people
• I must be able to move and change position/posture constantly
• I must have a high degree of control over my work enviornment
• Hey, I can run training courses because they fit those three criteria and I have qualifications/experience in that!
• I can coach
• I can speak on the telephone
• So I could train live and phone-coach!

Now I finally had a direction to head in, I could create new options based on that focus…

2. The “Will Do” Approach

You’ve heard of the ‘can-do’ attitude. Well, I realised that many of us also have a will-do attitude and it was only strengthened in me by that season of my life.

One week when the 29th job application landed on deaf ears, I told myself “I will send another” … and that one lead to a contact which eventually lead to a contract 12 months later.

Whenever I saw a job (ad) for which I was unqualified but which looked attractive, I told myself “I will go for that!”  One of these lead to 2 months of fulltime work over summer.

When I took on a 3-day-a-week position over 4 months which required two hours of painful commuting on crowded trains on each one of those 140 days (painful because of my back condition), I told myself each morning “I can do this and I will.” And I did.

I tried new things, I extended myself, I discovered more of what I was capable of, I positioned myself for the next break-through…

I don’t say this out of ego (I haven’t even mentioned the place of prayer in getting me through this time!). This attitude is a normal behaviour for anyone refuses to play the victim.

It does move people out of a rut and out of unemployment/underemployment… even out of a career rut.

3. When You Can’t Get a Job, Start a Business.

And this is what I worked toward. It didn’t have to be complex, it didn’t require a 53 page business plan or $200,000 bank loan.

When none of the jobs I was in and out of between July 04 and July 05 suited my needs or restrictions, it became clearer than ever that not only did I have the makings of a damn fine coaching/development service within me, it was actually the best possible option to pursue health-wise.

I chose from that point to offer my services as a contractor, not an employee. I sought clients, not a boss. Income went up, not down.

Through my local chamber of commerce, I’ve met other solo business owners with a similar story. The new mum who now offers her secretarial services to a range of businesses but does the work at home; the former regional sales manager who (when his wife walked out on him, leaving him with 3 teenage sons still in High School) quit sales and started a mortgage brokerage which got him through the tough time and is now booming as his boys move into their 20s and he has more time for business; the plumber with a bad back who refined the services he offers and now specialises in those jobs…

… These 3 principles or tactics have worked for me. They’ve also helped me coach several jobseekers (among my other clients) back into meaningful employment and lifestyle.

So whatever your battle is at the moment, what can you do, what will you do and what can you create?

***

***

Driving to work I see expensive Rolex watches on the billboard. I get home to watch TV, and I am faced with commercials with the latest Lexus model. I turn on my computer to check my Facebook and I am bombarded with flashing ads selling everything from shoes to phones.

Everywhere you turn, someone is trying to get you to buy stuff. Every medium is about selling advertising. Even the baseball stadium is named after the sponsoring company!

My family is not rich, but we are far from having to beg on the street. I have everything I need, so I should be quite content. But the messages I see and hear, everywhere I look, are telling me that I need more stuff.

And that message was getting to me.

When I look in my closet, I think I have “nothing” to wear. I look at the refrigerator and yearn for a new one with more features. I look in the mirror and …well, let’s just say I wanted some changes there too. Advertising was telling me about everything I lacked, and I found myself dissatisfied with what I have, and even who I am.

Then a simple event turned me around. Have you ever have an epiphany where a light bulb goes off? I went to the funeral of my friend’s mother. There is something about being faced with the reality of death that puts everything into perspective. During the memorial service, I had one of those moments of introspection, “Katy, what is life all about? Do you think better stuff will make you happier? At the end of your life, are those “things” going to make a difference?”

Consumerism which is suppose to enhance the quality of my life, was in fact keeping me from enjoying my life.

While our culture continues to inundate us with messages of “more” and “newer”, I made 4 deliberate choices to go against that noise:

1. Stay away from the mall. Going shopping used to be a favorite pastime. “What do you want to do today?” “Let’s go walk around the mall.”

I don’t do that anymore. Looking at all the stuff I don’t have only makes me discontent. I don’t have room for all that stuff anyway.

2. Don’t buy anything I don’t need immediately. When I go shopping, I only buy what I need to buy and no more. Even if it’s on sale, and even if I could use it one day, I pass. I definitely don’t have room for more stuff.

3. Count my blessings everyday. As my mother used to say, “Why do you need so many pairs of shoes, you can only wear one pair at a time.” I thank God I actually have more than one pair of shoes, and that is more than I need. At the end of each day, before I sleep, my daughter and I each take a turn thanking God for something specific.

4. Focus on building relationships. A friend told me her mother was known for her hospitality. She was always ready to have a friend over for a cup of tea. Did she have a fancy house to entertain? No, she couldn’t afford more than a one-bedroom cottage. But she would lay a table cloth on the table in her tiny kitchen and enjoy the company of her friends. It wasn’t what she had, but who she was that people remembered. I am not going to be self-conscious about having the right house or the right clothes. Being the right person by showing kindness and generosity is much more important.

Whenever I feel the bug of discontentment, I think of that funeral. Life is not about materialism. Keep yourself away from those who tell you otherwise, and focus on the stuff that matters most.

***

Katy Lee enjoys life with her husband and three children in the suburbs of Los Angeles. Her passion for spreading family values, through her personal stories, is found on her website http://www.AdventuresInParenting.org/

***

Many of us have gone through our fair share of seeing neighbours come and go. Some we love and would hate to see move. Some we hate and would be glad to see move.

I’m digging into my past, ten years ago, to paint a picture of four families living on four properties – all connected together, my family included. I was a young teenager at the time.

My property was a “battle-axe” block, surrounded by seven  2/3rd acre blocks, placing me at the centre of the coming ”war”. On the one side was a family with one boy,  Marty, the other side, a family with three kids – we’ll call them the Canadians (which they were). On the opposite corner side, there was a family with four kids, I call them the Flintstones.

Now, my recollections of how it all unfolded are a bit hazy, but Marty and I had started and maintained a good friendship well before either of the other two families had moved in. I can still hear in my mind his famous method of calling out to me across the whole yard to get my attention during the early hours of the morning  in his pre-pubescent, girly voice: “Maaaaaaatttthhhhhheeeeewwwwww!!”

The Flintsones moved in. It was always interesting and exciting to see new people; the Flintstones were all around my age. Marty was a bit younger than me so my instinct was to meet these new people, with Marty in tow. The Flintstones seemed alright, friendly and welcoming, and it didn’t take long for a connection to develop between them and myself.

It wasn’t so much the case with Marty. He seemed to like them but lurked more in the background and as it turned out, they really didn’t approve of him and didn’t want him at their house. I was surprised and could not understand this – there was nothing wrong with him. Marty was a friend; I was not going to just leave him out.

Then the Canadians moved in. I was in no hurry to meet them; however, the Flinstones became quite friendly with them, consequently leading me to get to know them as well and they were quite OK. Marty seemed a little more interested in the Canadians as they were younger than the Flintstones. He must have met them without my help as I saw him over in their pool, as well as the Flinstones.

I started to feel a bit left out now.

A few days later, things changed, as they often do in social contexts. I was in the company of the Canadians and the Flintstones and it seemed neither party were very fond of Marty and in fact had decided they weren’t going to invite him over anymore, although I was still welcome.

I was not comfortable with this. It wasn’t my decision to make – it was their choice, but I felt I could be of influence. I had to tell them how I felt; I was not prepared to exclude Marty so I could go over to their house. I felt they were all ganging up on him.

They acknowledged my sentiment, but offered no solution. I didn’t know what to do. I felt sorry for him and couldn’t understand it. I wasn’t going to let these indifferences come between us.

Marty and I talked about the situation. He didn’t think much of the new people, understandably and suggested I should not talk to them. This was not going to work for me as I was keen to continue the friendship with the Flintstones as well as remain loyal to Marty. After discussing my feelings, Marty seemed to understand. I theorised that I was the only one who could decide who I should and should not be friends with and while I didn’t like the Flintstones and Canadians exclusionary tactics, I didn’t want to discard their friendship. I felt I had taken the moral “high ground” in this mess between all parties and it was here that I felt I won the war.

Over time it turned out that the friendships between me, the Flintstones and the Canadians didn’t last too long and Marty and I seemed to drift apart also. There was never bad blood, but the choice I made, the war I won, had casualties. No one was comfortable with my decision to be friendly towards everyone. Making my own choices, maintaining an openness to everyone – what I felt was the moral high ground – seemed to be above everyone else’s heads.

Looking back over the years, I question myself if I made the right choice and if I actually won the war. The war really was between my friends, but then again it was also between my heart and head and the decision I had to make. My head says I made the right choice – my heart too, but it still hurts a little that these friendships were sacrificed. Sixteen years were spent at that house and they are fond memories of a special place.

The weird thing is, since those days and the numerous houses I’ve lived in, I’ve never developed any friendships with neighbours. I think I would be a good neighbour and friend. But the possibility of more feuds, exclusion and the thought of more tough moral choices – reaching out, that could be the start of a whole new war.

I am indebted to the excellent blogging and tremendous generosity of nutritionist Kathryn Elliot, who yesterday wrote about How to deal with a carb addiction  (my downfall!). Here’s an excerpt:

Beating carbohydrate cravings is all about managing your blood sugar levels and keeping insulin under control. Each time your blood sugar levels drop too low you will crave carbohydrates.

Therefore if you can keep blood sugar levels even-keeled, you’ll reduce the risk of carb cravings.

I recommend a visit to Kathryn’s post (via clicking her underlined title above) as well as giving her 5 steps a try. (And if you live in Sydney, maybe you could check out her practise).

[Kathryn has also written for Great Circle before on the topic How I won the war on cake and other afternoon cravings]

by Matt Heale 

The film Rounders asks the question, “Why do the same bunch of guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker each year? Are they the luckiest guys in the world?” I say it’s partly luck, but most of all, it’s a skills game. 

After competing in pub poker tournaments for some time now, I just wanted to win one. Sure, the main reason I go is for the social factor and to have some fun, but come on, I want to win! Finishing 4th once, 3rd twice and 2nd twice, I began wondering how hard can it be to just cross the line?  

The road to victory is a great experience and learning curve. Learn from your mistakes, what could I do differently next time? Should I have folded then, should I have bet harder then? How can I change my strategy? 

So here I was on the final table, three people left with a healthy chip stack and a commanding position. Another guy was knocked out so it was now heads up, the part I really don’t like. I knew how much I wanted the title, but I didn’t know whether it was time to get serious, focus and concentrate or to just laugh about because it’s just a game.  Then I realised it’s not just a game, you’ve got to think of it as a war. 

My opponent didn’t have much left, so I was hoping that I had it in the bag. I didn’t want to look at my cards, I didn’t have to but I did. I raised on the big blind, he called, I bet what he had left on the flop and he called not sounding too confident. My pocket kings were holding, but it wasn’t over yet. The heart was pounding and I was praying, I had two more cards to agonise over, but they didn’t help him. 

The moment had arrived. The title was mine, finally! 

Someone said to me after the game, “it’s about time you won”. My brother also stated, “that must be a weight off you now…” 

Well it was a relief, but what was with the pressure? Poker really is war. 

It didn’t matter though, this victory was mine! 

*** 

I go by the name of Matt. I reside in the town of Frankston in Melbourne. I make a dollar by working in a warehouse by day, and in the bar and kitchen of a restaurant by  evening. I’m an avid AFL follower and don’t mind a game of poker. Being a music fan, I get a kick out of going to live shows and reviewing them. I enjoy good food and the company of good people as well as maintaining my fitness. 

***

Thanks Matt! This has been another installment in November’s Carnival of War…

Many newbies to the blogosphere get their first blogger’s block after 3 months of blogging but veteran bloggers can also run out of article ideas and get tired from spending too much time on each article. Sound familiar? This guide will help you streamline your habits on the way to blogging well for a long, long time.

7 Killer Tips to Daily Speed Blogging Success

Know that you’ll get better with experience

When I began blogging, I could spend DAYS writing articles like this one and you can tell. Already I was asking myself how long it would last, but I was having so much fun that I kept going. As I pushed myself further, I improved to the point where most of my articles now only take ONE hour to write. You can do it too if you aim for it.

Use your favorites to build articles over time

As you regularly surf the web or browse your RSS feed reader, bookmark articles that you may want to blog about at some point later and this way you’ll gradually build post topics over time. Be careful how you tag those bookmarks so that when you need an article idea, you can choose all the bookmarks for one tag and filter from there, which is how I compiled 40 Tips for Job Seekers Over 40.

Schedule your blogging

All successes are based on a formula, and the best way to express a blog formula is in a monthly schedule detailing what you’ll blog about and when. Having a daily objective will prevent you from faffing around trying to decide what to blog about, a big time-waster for anyone. Sprinkle your schedule with news articles, reader surveys, speedlinking roundups and weekly link-bait like The Funniest Rejection Letter Ever.

Blog early in the morning

Blog when your mind is at its freshest. First thing before you check your email and/or feed reader is good, but if you like ‘hot off the blogosphere ideas’, you might prefer to blog immediately afterwards. Just blog early and get your daily article out of the way instead of letting it hang over you all day like a gray cloud.

Let the words flow

Once you have an idea and are ready to blog, let the idea out. Speed readers fly through text multiple times to let the meaning seep in, while touch typists type as fast as they can and then go back to correct errors. Follow those examples by sitting in front of your screen and filling it as quickly as possible. Then go back to edit, rearrange, clarify and optimize. I ’spew’ blogged 4 Simple Tips Guaranteed to Improve Your Job Search and Your Life this way in less than an hour.

Stay focused

Let nothing interrupt your daily one hour speed blogging creation process. Do whatever it takes to stay in focus. One of the advantages of aiming to finish in a single hour is that almost any potential interruption can wait for such a short period of time to go by.

Break up articles into smaller parts

Keep articles as short as possible to get your point across, and then try to shorten them some more. Shorter articles usually means less time spent blogging them. Some of the early articles on my blog JobMob were loooonnnnggg and I knew that was bad because even I was getting bored reading them. If that happens to you, break up your articles into series of 3-4 posts on the same theme.

Wrap Up

If you follow these tips and develop them into terrific blogging habits, you’ll be amazed at how easily you can become a regular blogger with more time to spend on promotion and other activities to grow you blog’s readership and revenue.

–Jacob Share

Jacob Share created JobMob to rally job seekers and jobfinders in getting jobs in Israel and all over the world. The blog is filled with job search tips and humor, so you should subscribe now to JobMob via RSS or email if you’re looking for work or just want to laugh about it. When that’s done, enjoy some funny job search horror stories.

I’m sure you all know the feeling.  It’s 3.00pm and you’ve been at work a while.  You’re starting to get bored, maybe a little hungry.  Suddenly, all you can think about is food. For some people it’s chocolate or lollies.  For those with a more savoury bent, it might be chips.  For me it was cake. 

• 120 dB – Approaching 747’s that mistake our porch light for a landing beacon and trace an unfortunate flight path over our property
•  90dB – Our bedside clock radio/blender since there’s nothing quite like waking up to adult contemporary and fruit smoothies
• 70 dB – The constant car door slamming from our next door neighbors who we can only determine are training for the ESPN World Series of Chinese Fire Drills Regional Qualifiers

It may be that Google Maps plots the directions to the Sturgis Bike Rally (from any starting point in the country) to follow a route directly past our house or that his room is just simply closer to the front of the house resulting in more road noise, but Adam still wakes up at least twice a night. He is the antithesis of Jack; the crying counterweight screaming in the night balancing the scales of parental fairness. 

Our fatigued desperation has compelled us to unprecedentedly solicit the advice of other parents and thereafter attempt the culled methods, tips, old wives tales, homeopathic remedies and techniques guaranteed to get your child to sleep though the night or your money back. 

Included among the failed attempts are the cry it out method, the co-sleeping method, drinking chamomile tea before nursing, a motion activated musical mobile, sleep training, an inverted facelock sleeper hold, hypnotism, a pre-bedtime bath, nitrous oxide hits, repeating the phrase through gritted teeth “Why won’t you sleep Baby?”, allowing a giant glowing butterfly to flap into the room through an open window then hover ominously over the crib, reruns of Jay Leno’s opening monologue, C-Span…none of them worked. 

The closest thing we’ve found to a solution to our late night woes was when we put the Homedics White Noise Sound Maker in his room to drown out the din of the world by surrounding him in a computerized cocoon of artificially reproduced nature sounds. This particular White Noise Maker has six self-described soothing, natural sounds that help calm a baby to sleep. We’ve tried all six of the sounds with Adam with varying degrees of success. In order of least successful to most successful are: 

6. The Heartbeat –Meant to simulate a mother’s natural heartbeat it is closer to a meddlesome downstairs neighbor banging a broom handle on the ceiling because the Homedic sound engineers were cranking Freebird at 2:00 in the morning again. 

5. Rainforest –Sneak into a Petsmart after hours, mic every animal, kick the cages, and press record. 

4. Waterfall – If you’ve ever stuck your head out the window of moving car, have gone skydiving or simulated hurricane conditions in a wind tunnel then you’ve heard the Homedic Waterfall. 

3. Summer Night – In this Monroe Midsummer Night’s Dream the crickets are really just squeaky brake pads. 

2. Rainfall – Put a pound of Oscar Meyer Bacon in a cast-iron skillet, put the skillet on the stove, turn the burner on high, listen carefully; fat rendered waterfall. 

1. Ocean – If seagulls owned espresso machines or were at least allowed into Starbucks you too could enjoy the dulcet ebb and flow that Ventis young Adam to sleep every night. 

So thanks to a glorified sound effects machine we’re sleeping again. Even if it’s only for 4 hour stretches we’re sleeping again and to that end it matters very little to me that Adam has developed a fondness for seabirds, an addiction to caffeine, an insatiable hunger for breakfast meat and an unnatural affinity for southern rock anthems. 

It matters very little ’cause I’m as free as a bird now, and this bird you’ll never change. Lord knows, I can’t change. Lord help me, I can’t change. 

Alright Mrs. Esposito! Alright! Stop Banging! I’ll turn it down! 

*** 

“Bill Gathen is the father of two boys, one who refuses to sleep and one who refuses to eat, and the husband of one woman who for some reason has permanently attached herself to him “like the thing from Alien” as she puts it. They share their house in upstate New York with an 11 year old, bowlegged, overweight, chain smoking, narcoleptic housecat and an imaginary leprechaun named King Brian.

Bill’s oldest son, Jack, is only 5 years old but is already finger-painting at a 10th grade level. Bill is also terrified to pick up his one year old son Adam because he treats neck skin like a Taffy Pull and kneads upper lips like pizza dough. He writes about all this and more at his blog Make it a Double (http://bgathen.wordpress.com). He’s got a heavy pour and you can’t beat the prices.” 

*** Thanks Bill!  

And so begins November’s Carnival of War! We’ll post the next installment in two days’ time…

Many many thanks to all the authors who participated in September’s Guest Writers Carnival here at Great Circle. The effort you put in and the quality of your contributions is admirable.

For newcomers to the site, here’s the full list. Please leave an encouraging comment or two on our writer’s posts, continue the conversation with them and make sure to visit their sites .

• How I Won One Battle in the War With a Lesser Self
• Winnin’ tha War on Them Cowboys!
• How I Won The War On… Terror (…Just to give it a nice APEC flavour…)
• How I won the war on BLOGGING
• How I beat the snooze button.
• How I Won the War on Work
• How I Won the War on… that Stupid Pipe
• How I’m Winning the War on Brain-Chaos!

It’s morning, my family has left  the house and so begins another day of self-directed work.

Like many days when I am not out of my home office training or coaching people, I am planning to begin with a time of “getting centred”, but wander into the home office for “a second”…